


You would always be with me

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-29
Updated: 2002-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-20 21:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30010851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: Kamui is in line for something that he had no idea about. When he finds out what it is, he confronts issues about what he really wants...and if existing is worth the price.
Relationships: Monou Fuuma/Shirou Kamui, Shirou Kamui/Sumeragi Subaru





	You would always be with me

**Disclaimer: X belongs to Clamp. 'Maneater' is by Daryl Hall and John Oates. The song, 'You told me so' is mine!**  
  
 **You would always be with me,**  
 **(or so I wanted you to believe).**  
 **by Miyamoto Yui**  
  
I don't know why I was standing in back of such a long line.   
  
But as the minutes wore on, the line behind me grew longer. I stood there not knowing what I was supposed to do, but I knew that standing there may have given me an answer. I was there anyway, so there had to be a purpose, right?  
  
Or so I would like to think.  
  
I looked around the tall buildings that appeared almost like they were abandoned.  
Gray, brown, brick, small, tall, glass.  
That's all I could see. I almost laughed to myself. How could I not recognize downtown Tokyo?  
  
It was funny how someone could live somewhere for so long and still be mesmerized by how little they’d known along, about anything at all. That's how I felt as I stared at the crowded streets with the cars making just about the same amount noise as there were people talking before and after me in this line.  
  
What I was in line for anyway?  
  
And when I finally found the patience to just stand there without fidgeting and getting annoyed at the inane conversations some people had around me, I discovered that it was a concert of some sort. I blinked.   
  
This was really out of character for me.   
Why would I be doing this instead of…  
  
Instead of…  
  
…what?  
  
My eyes jumped from a poster of some advertisement for a new RPG to the ground to the restaurant's sign across the street to the sky and back at my empty hands. That's when I noticed I was in casual clothing. I wasn't in my school uniform at all. I was wearing a white short-sleeved shirt with jeans and a black belt.   
Searching my pockets, the line moved and I took a few steps closer to my goal. Whatever that was.  
  
When I pulled out the piece of paper in my right pocket, I read, "Admit one. Floor, number 41. K's concert."  
"'K, huh?" I wondered aloud as I flipped the ticket over to find no other information but the guidelines.  
  
The line was moving again and I kept on walking until someone came around saying, "Please, no cameras." I shrugged my shoulders. No problem there. I didn't have anything with me, but money to get back to wherever I needed to go to afterwards.  
I closed my eyes in irritation.   
  
What the hell was wrong with me anyway? Had I missed something? Why can't I remember anything?  
  
But it just felt like I had to be here. As to why, I had no idea.  
  
After an hour of trying to get to the front, the guards finally let me enter as I lifted up my ticket for them to see. They smiled and nodded their heads, but strangely, I felt like they knew something I didn't.   
  
As I turned around randomly, a woman with glasses smirked at me and then looked away to check the other people at the door.  
"Go straight," a man with a deep voice and one amber eye said after he took my ticket and ripped it to give me the half I would need later on. When he handed the ticket back to me, my hand tingled when his fingers brushed against my palm.  
  
I just proceeded to go forward through a door as a crowd of people were filling in front of the stage that was a few feet over my head. I found myself in what was supposed to be the fourth row back from the front. As I waited there, I glanced around. It was still dark, but there were songs playing from some American group on the twenty-four speakers way above my head.   
But the song didn't fit the mood, making it out of place.  
  
"She'll only come out at night,  
The lean and hungry type.  
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before.  
Watching and waiting,  
She's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door.  
  
So many have paid to see  
What you think you're getting for free.  
The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a Jaguar.  
Money's the matter.  
If you're in it for love you ain't gonna get too far…"  
  
My eyes kept on wandering back to a man at the back with a gentle looking face. The man with a beige trenchcoat stood at one corner, folding his arms while looking off to one side almost as if he were slightly annoyed at the whole predicament. He kept on staring at the door I had come through.  
I again paid attention the speakers as I turned around to face the front.  
  
"I wouldn't if I were you.  
I know what she can do.  
She's deadly man, and she could really rip your world apart.  
Mind over matter,  
The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart."  
  
Looking back to the stage, I blinked my eyes.  
Nothing was making sense at all, and yet they were. Things here very dark and lively as more people came in. They were familiar, yet not so.  
  
"KAMUI! KAMUI!" the crowd screamed. "KAMUI! KAMUI!"  
  
They're shouting as if they're going to crucify someone rather than have a concert.  
  
The stage began to gradually fill with fake smoke. As to where the dry ice came from, I had no idea, but it was interesting to see. The lights began to dim, and then they changed to many colors as a voice began to sing,   
  
"Iroirona koto ga aru,   
demo nanimo mienai…"  
  
As if in slow motion, I saw the figure that the crowd had been looking forward to all night. Here was the man they had paid to see.  
The room became pitch dark and suddenly, a spotlight directly shined on the singer in the black leather pants and the tight shirt he had on. Black wings were plastered to his back looking as if they were real to the touch. He laid his head down while his right hand held onto the microphone in front of him. Tapping his foot to the beat, his hair blocked his eyes.  
The people around me began to jump in excitement and I couldn't understand the commotion, so   
I joined along.  
  
But when his eyes opened, he looked up and sang, "Anta ni. Anta ga hoshii."  
  
It was then that I looked up and opened my mouth a bit in shock. "Do I know you…?"  
  
All throughout the night, the concert went nonstop as he ran up and down the stage pumping up the crowd. And I was sweating as the place became more and more stuffy. I felt like I was going to faint, but I had to hold on.  
  
In the middle of the performance, he looked directly at me and held his hand out towards my direction.  
"Oboeteimasu ka?" he sang, winking while going to the other side of the stage to tease the audience as the guitarist did his solo.  
  
At first, I thought his glances were unintentional, but then, when he held out his hand out, I knew he was singing all these songs to me.  
  
To hurt me. Profusely.  
  
I took a glimpse of the man I’d been staring at earlier. He was now in the back drinking and still wearing that look of frustration as he took glances at the door where I had stepped through.  
  
I wondered when the singer named Kamui would stop torturing me with his songs. I was having fun with the energetic crowd, but as the night progressed, I felt like I was becoming smaller and smaller. I knew who he was. And he was amused at the fact that he could hurt me with his smiling and singing.  
  
At the last song, Kamui smirked in my direction, shifting his eyes while watching the crowd. Holding the mike stand, he said, "I'll sing this last song for you that I created called, 'You told me so'. It's new, but I hope you'll enjoy it!"  
  
As the tune played, my eyes opened slightly. I hummed along and found myself knowing the words to the song.  
  
"Uso to iu da.   
Anta ga 'Usotsuki' ni naru.   
Demo, Aishiteru to omotte iru.  
Boku wa baka na hito ni natta."  
  
Tapping his foot, he looked down at the ground as his hand held the microphone as if he were going to deeply kiss it with his eyes closed.  
  
"They told me I took a step too far,   
You tell me what you want,   
I will do anything for you.  
Or so you would think, Baby."  
  
He opened his eyes and the tempo went even faster as I saw the sweat on his forehead rain to the ground.  
  
"Love me as you want to,   
Do all that you want,   
You promised me   
You would always be with me,   
Didn't you?"  
  
Holding out his hands towards my direction, he whispered,  
  
"Yakusoku ga aru,   
demo oboteimasuka?   
Dou sureba ii to itta,   
Demo kotae ga nai."  
  
Looking away, Kamui held his hands out to each side with his palms out and tapped his foot to the fast beat.  
  
"We were children deceived.   
They said there was no need to worry,   
When they carved our future out for us.   
What use is being called human   
When you can't choose your fate?  
  
I bleed because I want to feel,   
But everything's so cold,   
I can't tell if I'm me anymore.  
  
Love me as you want to,   
(I want you to burn me.)   
Do all that you want,   
(Kill me if it's true.)   
You promised me   
(scar upon my being)   
You would always be with me,   
(or so I wanted you to believe)   
Didn't you?   
  
(Humans are born to lie to one another.)  
  
Tell me anything,   
And I've believed it   
  
Because you told me so.  
You told me so."  
  
He then bowed and smiled at the crowd as the song ended. "Domo arigatou!"   
The crowd screamed and he left the stage just like that.  
  
As I turned around, a man with a blank face and white hair tapped me on the shoulder. "Please come with me," he said.  
I followed him to the back and he opened the door before me. Ushering me in, he said to the person in the room, "I've escorted him."  
"Thank you." The singer turned his chair around and the one who had taken me to the room closed the door behind him.  
  
"It's been a long time."  
  
My eyes became slits and I lifted my chin to stare at the devil he had become.  
"Okay, now that you've had your fun, I'll be happy to leave this illusion now," I demanded while gritting my teeth in hate. "NOW, FUUMA."  
He laughed as he pulled my hand to make me sit on the counter before him. "Stop calling me that. You know that isn't my name, my dear Kamui. There's only one Kamui anyway."  
"That's right. And that's me!" I shouted as I was about to hit him, but he took a hold of my hands.  
His hands locked onto my wrists, pressing them onto the counter. "I've been wanting to play with my toy. I've missed you for so long."  
  
As his fingers trickled themselves slowly onto my leg, I eyed him harshly, warning, "Let me go."   
"What? You're not happy to see me? You come back to Tokyo and I can't give you a proper welcome, especially since Kotori can't do it anymore?" His eyes darkened as his smile became more sinister. "But you got rid of her, didn't you Kamui?"  
"I didn't kill Kotori!" I shouted back.  
  
Raising his hand over to my shirt, he made his way underneath it. I felt his warm touch over my stomach as I stared at him in horror.  
  
Were you really the friend I’ve loved for so long? Why can't I accept that you would no longer be who you were?  
Why couldn't I accept that I would never be the same either?  
  
He began to pull down my zipper as he kissed my stomach. Nibbling my skin while lowering himself lower and lower, I was confused on what I wanted.  
  
You were like a brother to me. But I want you to love me.  
Even like this. How pathetic at how far I want to break my own heart with your caresses.  
  
Caught between wanting him to touch me and not, I gripped his hand. "Stop this, Fuuma!"  
I spat on him. But he just wiped his cheek as he pounced up to lick my cheek as if I were the one who had been spat on.   
  
Shaking my head from side to side, I tried to get away. But all I could do was wrap my arms around him in desperation. Grabbing his face in between my hands, my eyes squinted, staring at him intensely. "Fuuma, have you really forgotten about me?"  
  
"You were the one who wanted to forget us, Kamui! And stop calling me Fuuma!" He tried to push me away.  
I wrapped my arms tighter around his shoulders and whispered, "Fuuma, don't you love me anymore?"  
"KAMUI!" he shouted in confusion.  
"My wish is so simple. I just want you and Kotori. Won't you help me?"  
Pushing me away again, he failed as began to shake his head from side to side. "AAAHHHH!"  
  
At that moment, I kissed his forehead as the scene before us disintegrated.  
"If we had lived in a different lifetime, would things have still been the same?" I asked while looking at him.  
  
He pushed me away with all his might and I fell to the ground still looking innocently up at him.  
  
"IF I DIDN'T EXIST, WOULD YOUR LIFE HAVE BEEN BETTER, FUUMA?! IF THAT'S SO, AND YOU AND KOTORI WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY, THEN I DON'T WANT TO EXIST!"  
  
I reached out my hands and I found the old Fuuma watching me with a perplexed expression. As we were driven apart by space and time, I was touched to see…  
  
…he was holding his hand out for me too.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something, but the wind was too loud so I couldn't read his lips.  
"Shiritai!" I whispered.  
  
I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the white ceiling of my room. My eyes were filled with tears. They fell to each side of my face.  
  
The door opened and Subaru walked into the room. My eyes shifted themselves to look at him. Gripping the sheets to each side of me, I said, "I won't accept defeat."  
  
There's still hope.  
  
He came to sit by the bed to see how I was doing, but didn't say anything to me. No words of comfort or words to console me. Maybe it was for the better.  
  
I found myself clinging onto his black sleeve. "I had a nightmare."  
He nodded his head in understanding, but my heart hardened.  
Subaru had changed in some way also though I couldn't say what it was. His look of exhaustion and irritation with the world…  
  
...looked almost like guilt.  
  
As I sat up, I thought, "You'd understand me if I told you what happened in my nightmare. whatever it was called. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse, but it gave me hope."  
I pressed my forehead onto his shoulder.   
  
I want to tell you so much.  
  
But as my mouth was opening, I immediately closed it.  
Closing my eyes wanting not to cry, I couldn't say anything.   
  
When I had finally begun to understand that changes like this in my life were supposed to be normal and that I should deal with them accordingly, I wanted to make new dreams. I wanted to see why I had been limited to one wish…  
  
…and should I have changed the one I already had?  
  
That's how life is. It changes like waves of water. Each one so different and unique.  
  
Holding onto his arm, some of my hope faded away again.  
  
You and Fuuma are similar in that sense. So far away from me.  
Subaru, you have the smell of cherry blossoms all over your body. That's why you won't ever comfort me.  
  
But I find myself hugging you anyway even if it’s painful.  
I just want to hang on after I've lost everything.  
  
"Fuuma…" was the only thing I could say right then.  
And it felt enough, yet not so.  
  
  
 **Owari.**

**Author's Note:**

> Okay Rhole-chan, I hope you enjoyed this because it's what you were asking for. ^_^ But I had such a hard time since you wanted lime with little angst. ;_; Totemo muzukashii da yo! 'Nani wo shiyou?!' to omotte imashita. * sighs * But, I got out of my writer's block. How do I make it to what she wants but also not to make it cliché? AU! Well, almost. I hope it wasn't too much of a problem. I modeled this after seeing the B'z concert in Hollywood last Tuesday. ;_; What a wonderful experience. I've never been to a concert and I'm a bit claustrophobic, so I'm surprised that I had a great time. I'm sorry that this is weird and for my mediocre Japanese. ^^;;;;
> 
> Translation of song:  
> Iroirona koto ga aru, demo nanimo mienai… - Lots of things exist, but there’s nothing I can see. / I can’t see anything."
> 
> Anta ni. Anta ga hoshii." - To you. I want you.
> 
> Uso to iu da. – It’s something called a lie.
> 
> Anta ga 'Usotsuki' ni naru. – You’ve become a 'Liar'.
> 
> Demo, Aishiteru to omotte iru. - But I thought, 'I love you'.
> 
> Boku wa baka na hito ni natta. - I've become a stupid person
> 
> "Yakusoku ga aru, - A promise exists,  
> demo oboteimasuka? - but do you remember?
> 
> Dou sureba ii to itta, - I said, 'What do I do?'
> 
> Demo kotae ga nai. - But there is no answer.


End file.
